My nammeeee issss .......
I always had a problem. It wasn't genetically derived. Also not the worst dish in the world-problem-menu-card. Surely, the planet has far worse things to deal with.
In my case, I progressed and made it to high school literally 'singing'. My initial stage presentations during that time were inevitably narrowed down to an unusually stretched “My nammmmmmme isssssssssssssssss-----," and then some sort of nursery rhyme. The thing is I have a singsong way of speaking. Obviously, it doesn't fit my profile and is moot given that I spend a lot of my time performing on stage. But appearances can surely be deceptive, right? Confident, energetic, albeit on the outside. But underneath, frightened. Frightened that my next few words might just make up a pentatonic or another harmonic scale. It wasn’t that I couldn’t articulate my expressions; it was the fear of being ridiculed or mocked at that loomed large.
Apart from it, the next terrible thing that could ever happen to me was meeting another singsong. ”Helllllo, my nammmmmme issss Paaaarth……….” And the reply would be,”Ohhhhhhh, niceeee meeeeeeeting youuuuu……Paaaaaaaaaarth” It would be like the Voice Battle. And the horror here is I would fail to comprehend whether I was being made fun of. Anyways, I never really projected it explicitly because dreading speaking while speaking isn't a fair idea. I just believed my problem would miraculously vanish when I’d hit adulthood. Like clouds after rain. People told me that it would just expire. "So you mean it won't bother me when I grow up?"
Yet, I started speaking more. After all, the thing that I was required to do the most was just speak. Practice. And so, pens became my mikes, birds outside the window became my audience, hangouts with friends became monotonous lectures and mirrors became reflecting artifacts. Steadily I began getting through speeches without the singsong kindergarten teacher way. An honest confrontation with my inner fear under the shower made me come clean about my speaking way. For me, speaking wasn't just making smooth talks. It was more of expressing myself and being understood. It was overcoming the fear trapped inside. The fear of speaking in public. Slowly but gradually, I shed all inhibitions.
Today, before speeches, I still shiver. Quietly, I mutter to myself. Sometimes, I still do have long 'hellllllllllllllllos' and even longer 'thaaannnnnnnnnk youuuuuuuuus'. But frankly, it doesn't hinder me. I have built a charm in my speaking. I won the debate competition, acted as the lead role of the high school play, chaired Human Rights Council and so much more. Seeking all opportunities to speak, I have made the stage my turf. I approach the stage being entirely aware of my singsong. But somehow, it's phenomenal how when I deliver long speeches, it is impossible to go the singsong way. It's as if my lullaby-syndrome is diagnosed. Or maybe long speeches is the only time when what comes out of my mouth is comprehensively exactly what I intend and not as nursery rhymes.
Because, maybe I have overcome the fear, 'the problem'. Or simply, as someone once suggested, I have grown-up.